my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
