look no pants
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
