A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
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