FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
