Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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