I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
