3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
sex in a hospital.. check
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
