You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
