I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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