don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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