Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
