i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
