what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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