Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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