Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Vodka?
Forever.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
