I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
