i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
