you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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