god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize