Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
