If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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