hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
