last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
