sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
