i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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