when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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