I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
