if i died would you start the facebook group?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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