you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
