i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
