This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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