I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
