dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
