he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
