how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
