White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
