Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
