Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
