there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Randomize
