I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize