i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
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