I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
