I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
