Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
