let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
