dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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