I wish you could order shots online.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize