I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
did i walk over a car last night?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
