My nipple is on Facebook.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
