you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
