So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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