all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
