stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
