He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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