i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
