One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
