I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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