Moan for me like Helen Keller
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
