Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
