He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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