hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Found your dick twin last night
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize