I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize