i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize