Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
BRING THE BAGELS
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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